Here I am, exactly three weeks before I leave for Sweden for 10 months. I feel a mixture of emotions: nervous, excited, scared, skeptical. When I'm telling an acquaintance or a random encounter that I am going to Sweden, they seem so surprised by the lack of apprehension in my voice, "So, you aren't nervous or scared?" they ask me, "No, not really.." A look of sheer surprise comes over their faces. See, up until very recently, I had no physical or emotional reaction to the statement "I'm going to be studying abroad in Sweden for a full academic year." No twinge, no shock. However now, as the date is fast approaching and the remainder of my weeks are now filled with 40 hours of work, those times when I do think of it I realize that I will be leaving behind a lot for a world I am unsure of. I've always been one to stick with what is secure and comfortable to me, I find great strength in my friends and family here; which leads me to occasionally ask myself, "Well then why the hell are you leaving?" For a few reasons, 1. I think that emotionally and mentally I need a change of scenery 2. It seems instinctual to me to leave the states for a year and study some place else 3. I have relatives on my dad's side whom I have never met, and if you know anything about me you know that I have an incredibly small family (especially here in the states). So I am taking this amazing opportunity while I can, to explore my heritage greater and connect with others who share my blood.
So I suppose these are my thoughts three weeks before my departure, I'm starting to feel the reality of the next 10 months of my life sink in. My stomach turns a little more, I wake up a little more at night, sometimes staring at my open closet door, panicking about how I will possibly fit all the clothes I find to be "Europe worthy" in a suitcase. I'm starting to feel slightly more apprehensive, but I don't really mind it.
