Shame shame shame on me for not writing for such an extended amount of time. I'm mostly bummed because keeping up with blogging is hard enough to do on its own and I was doing so well for the first semester and pretty much as soon as I went back to California for winter break, it all went down the tank. So I suppose for anyone who reads this, I'll do a short reader's digest version of the last few months of my life.
So I flew home to California for two weeks from December 21st-January 4th. Those two weeks were very full and I felt that the contact I had had with my home life would sustain me until June. Some people shared the general concern that I would come back to California, where a lot of comfort and familiarity was and have an even greater difficulty of returning to Sweden for another semester. However, it was the complete opposite. I had a feeling that California would lose its novelty and that going back to Sweden would sound appealing; that's exactly what happened. When I left Sweden, I knew that I wasn't done, I knew that my relationships and acquaintances and memories were far from over..I knew that I had to go back to Sweden and my life there in order to feel fulfilled to my fullest extent. Fill me up to the brim with experiences I wouldn't forget. I loved eating food from home (bagels and In-N-Out, yumm!) and spending time with my beloved family and seeing my friends who I had missed so much. But when those two weeks came to a close, I felt ready, excited even to return back to Sweden..although sans Jen and Sara. I had simply accepted that this semester would be different, not necessarily better or worse, just different. And so once more, I packed my bags after almost being completely over my jet lag and headed back to Sweden..feeling strong until I saw a mother and teenage son saying goodbye right in front of my mom and I when I was about to go through security. Then I just about lost it. Regardless I made it back to Sweden safe and sound, and happy.
Fast forward a bit and there's not all that much to say about my past three months here, not that they haven't been wonderful and memorable..but my life has taken on a different shape and pace. My experience of the Lund nightlife has greatly depleted, I feel more like a grandma, taking naps at 3 in the afternoon and watching movies on the weekend. Not having Jen and Sara has really changed my experience, they were my day-to-day, it was almost nauseating how often we were together..even more nauseating how well we all got along. But fear not I have not become a total Swedish loner just yet, I spend a lot of my time with my dear Kaj..with whom I have shared many laughs, and moments of sheer ridiculousness. I have almost become more involved in Wermlands Nation, where I am a headwaiter (I EVEN HAVE A SHIRT WITH MY NAME ON IT, HOORAH) and I work a pretty decent amount and feel a sense of family with all of these people that in unbeatable anywhere else. Just about a month ago, my mom and Ron came to visit me in Lund for 10 days, and right after that Maura came to visit for a week. With my parents we ate amazing food, saw some great architecture and some Swedish towns/cities I had yet to see, I felt full. Maura and I obviously explored more of the student life in Lund, working at Wermlands one night for a sittning and going out to other nations. Right around Maura's visit was when the weather started turning for the absolute better: clear blue skies, sunshine and unfortunately some wind.
Here I find myself, it's April 5th and just a few days ago I booked my, as well as Kaj's flight back to California..I have begun to come to terms with the fact that my time in Sweden is winding down. Now I have less than two months left here in this place that has really grown to feel like home for me. Then my mom asked me just yesterday if I felt like I was emotionally and mentally winding down from Sweden/ready to come home. I said that I felt at some sort of crosspoint; that I could easily go probably another semester without issue or reservation but at the same time I feel more fulfilled with my time in Sweden now than I did 3 months ago. I'm not kicking and screaming to leave (yet) but I don't anticipate I will have as big of a hole in my heart as I would have had if I had left in December. I'm standing in between two realities, quite okay with both occurring simultaneously but knowing that in a matter of a couple of months I will be forced to return to one.
